“I’m an Adult, Not a Child”: Supporting Autonomy in Adult Disability Support
Adults with disability are first and foremost adults. Yet all too often, they’re spoken to in patronising tones, offered limited choices, or treated as though they lack the maturity or rights that other adults take for granted. Whether intentional or not, this behaviour is infantilising—and it undermines autonomy, self-esteem, and human dignity.
In disability support work, upholding adult status, agency, and decision-making rights is fundamental. Respecting someone’s autonomy doesn’t mean leaving them without help—it means offering support in a way that empowers, includes, and never diminishes.
What Is Infantilisation?
Infantilisation happens when adults with disability are treated as if they are younger than they are—emotionally, intellectually, or socially. This might include:
Using baby talk or sing-song tones
Making decisions for them instead of with them
Limiting their access to adult experiences (e.g. dating, working, or drinking alcohol)
Ignoring their preferences because they’re “too complicated” or “don’t matter”
Assuming they don’t understand adult topics like money, relationships, or health
Even small actions—like patting someone on the head or calling them “sweetie”—can reinforce the message that they’re not seen as a full adult.
Why It Matters
Infantilisation doesn’t just feel demeaning—it can have real consequences. When adults with disability are not supported to make choices or manage risk, they may:
Feel powerless, frustrated, or resentful
Miss out on learning opportunities
Become socially isolated or dependent
Be more vulnerable to abuse or control
Lose trust in support workers and services
Supporting autonomy means recognising that making decisions—good ones, bad ones, and everything in between—is a normal part of adult life. Risk is part of growth. Mistakes are part of learning. And everyone deserves the chance to have a say in their own life.
Supporting Adult Autonomy in Practice
Support workers play a vital role in promoting autonomy through everyday actions. Here are some practical ways to do it:
Use age-appropriate language and tone. Speak to the person as you would any other adult—respectfully, clearly, and without condescension.
Offer real choices. Don’t assume preferences. Ask about food, clothes, activities, routines—and respect the answer, even if it’s different from what you’d choose.
Involve the person in decisions about their care. Explain options and outcomes clearly, and invite them to contribute.
Respect privacy. Knock before entering bedrooms, avoid over-sharing personal details with others, and always ask before assisting with private tasks.
Support dignity of risk. Help them assess and manage risks rather than avoiding them altogether.
Acknowledge adult identity. If they want to go on a date, attend a pub night, or make their own appointments, support them to do so safely and confidently.
Autonomy doesn’t mean independence without support—it means having control, choice, and ownership of one’s own life.
Families and Providers: Creating a Culture of Respect
While support workers are on the front lines, autonomy is best protected when the entire service environment values and models adult respect. That includes:
Encouraging self-advocacy
Including the person in NDIS planning and goal setting
Using inclusive language in all communication
Providing education and resources on relationships, sexuality, and consent
Celebrating milestones that matter to adults, not just to carers or parents
Families can also play a role by reflecting on their own habits. While protective instincts are natural, it’s important to ask: Am I making this decision for their safety, or out of habit or fear? Supporting someone doesn’t mean taking over—it means stepping back when appropriate and trusting them to lead.
Adulthood Deserves Recognition
Adults with disability should be seen—and treated—as adults with opinions, desires, responsibilities, and rights. Infantilisation denies people the chance to live fully and authentically. When we shift our mindset from caregiving to partnership, we move closer to a model of support that respects autonomy at every stage of life.
Because respect isn’t just about being kind—it’s about recognising someone’s right to live life on their own terms.