Disability and Grief: Navigating Loss, Change, and Transition with Care

Grief doesn’t just happen after a death. It can arise in response to any significant change or loss—such as a support worker leaving, a pet passing away, a move to a new home, or even a change in daily routine. For people with disability, these transitions may carry extra weight, especially when communication, routine, or trust are core parts of their wellbeing.

Despite this, grief in people with disability is often overlooked, misunderstood, or minimised. Some may not be given space to grieve at all. Others may not have the language to express their pain—or may be mislabelled as “acting out” when their behaviour is actually a sign of loss.

Support workers, carers, and families play a vital role in recognising and responding to grief with compassion, flexibility, and respect.

What Can Grief Look Like?

Grief doesn’t always follow a clear path. It can be loud or quiet, sudden or delayed. For people with disability, especially those with limited verbal language or intellectual disability, grief may show up in ways that are easy to miss.

Common signs might include:

  • Changes in sleep or appetite

  • Withdrawing from activities or people

  • Increase in repetitive behaviours or stimming

  • Emotional outbursts or meltdowns

  • Asking repeated questions about the person or pet who is gone

  • Appearing more anxious, distracted, or irritable than usual

These are not “behaviour problems”—they’re expressions of distress. When we notice changes, the most respectful response is to look beneath the behaviour and ask: What might they be feeling right now?

Types of Loss That Matter

People with disability may grieve many different kinds of loss, including:

  • The death of a family member, friend, pet, or support worker

  • The end of a friendship or romantic relationship

  • A move to a new home, school, or program

  • Loss of a familiar routine, such as after COVID lockdowns or funding changes

  • Even loss of skills or mobility due to illness or injury

These experiences are significant. They deserve to be acknowledged—even if the person struggles to explain what they’re going through.

Supporting Someone Through Grief

There is no one “right” way to grieve, and there’s no fixed timeline. But support workers and families can help by creating an environment where feelings are acknowledged, and where people feel safe to express themselves.

Here are some practical ways to support someone through grief:

  • Use clear, honest language: Avoid euphemisms like “gone to sleep” or “gone away,” especially with people who are concrete thinkers. Say, “They died,” and then be available to explain or repeat as needed.

  • Answer questions patiently: Repetition can be a way of processing. It’s okay to answer the same question multiple times with consistency and calm.

  • Validate their feelings: Statements like “You look really sad. I’m here if you want to sit together” can go a long way.

  • Offer creative outlets: Art, music, storytelling, or sensory play can help someone express their emotions, especially if they struggle with spoken language.

  • Maintain structure: Keep routines as predictable as possible while gently introducing any necessary changes. Familiarity helps reduce additional stress.

  • Create memory rituals: Lighting a candle, drawing a picture, visiting a special place, or creating a photo board can help honour the person or pet who has died.

  • Check in over time: Grief doesn’t disappear after a week. Revisit the topic as needed and be open to delayed reactions.

Grief support should never be about “moving on”—it’s about moving forward with care and connection.

Supporting Yourself as a Carer or Support Worker

Witnessing someone else’s grief can be emotionally demanding—especially when you’ve also experienced the same loss. It’s okay to feel impacted, and it’s important to have your own support systems in place.

Consider:

  • Speaking with your team or supervisor if the loss affects your work

  • Reflecting on your own boundaries and emotional wellbeing

  • Accessing debriefing or counselling support if needed

  • Remembering that it’s okay to show gentle emotion in front of clients—it models that grief is valid and human

Acknowledging Grief Is an Act of Respect

When we recognise the grief of people with disability, we affirm that their emotional world is just as rich, deep, and valid as anyone else’s. We offer them not just support—but respect, dignity, and humanity.

Everyone deserves the chance to process loss in their own way, at their own pace, and with people who truly listen.

Because grief is not a problem to solve—it’s a story to honour.

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